Myself in more ways than one.

This is me.

Of course, after layers and layers of photoshop. But then again, my imperfect appearance is not the culprit here. It is what is inside me. My mind.

What/who am I really? I took the handle wastefulspace to connote my long ago journal sometime 2003. I was a very depressed kid, alone in the dark (literally and figuratively) dwelling in despair and sadness. I look back and I see words of hatred and no ounce of self-worth. I was even more horrendous with my double chin and my chubby cheeks, and my elephant pants desperately trying to hide my thunder thighs.

I would have liked to think I have matured over the span of 5-10 years. I have kept scribbles of sappy prose and day-to-day blatherings, I have read them lately and cringed. Or laughed, whichever comes first.

You can say I was normal, or far from it, the oddball who didn’t have too many real friends. I was unconventional, the same name as my Nike sneaks from college. I was different, I acted different, I was too loud, too obnoxious, or too friendly, or a mix of all three.

What am I today anyway? I am currently in Singapore. Yes, Singapore. I would like to say I live here as of the moment. I am a Systems Developer at a Hospitality Industry Company. I do Web stuff in Ruby on Rails. I honestly like my job. *gasp*. I enjoy my independence. I enjoy doing the laundry, and I have recently successfully ironed my many pleated dress, which is a total feat. I called a certain person crying because of difficulty of pressing that monstrous and yet oh-so-sexy outfit.

I am still somewhat loud (*snorts at adjective somewhat). I am more obnoxious than usual. I still act different along certain bounderies. And I have become very frank.

My flatmate told me that when I don’t like someone, it’s evident. My body language shifts to guard mode, and my words careful and abrupt. I do minimal contact for maximum world peace. This is how I roll.  I keep it real, and it’s hard for me to be fake.  I really try. But I end up feeling stupid.

But then again, I am somewhat a concerned person. I seem to care for people more than I should, which means I am still somewhat human and not the monster they claim. I couldn’t help but do a mental eye-roll when a couple of people knew I pray and go to church. Just because I am a tad more evil than others it doesn’t mean I am not any good.

In other superficial stuff, I am quite sensitive of my music. I would get in a fight w/ you if you poke fun at it like some people fight of educational systems. I am a Wood Rat, and a Leo.  I like earth colours. I don’t like chocolates. And I haven’t watched a single LOTR film. I enjoy coffee immensly, together with some vices I don’t dare mention.

I have just gotten used to skinny pants. I still love my converse chucks. Although I bought 2 new pairs and I slipped and slid all the way to the bus stop on the still-damp streets, I still have my pleated minis and my ties, and yes, I still amd a sucker for jacket and shoes and warpaint. I like warpaint. I like dressing up. Even if people think I am drab like Bette Midler’s hippie character on some movie. I know how to be pretty. I am just lazy.

I’m a pretty impatient person, kind of bratty, sometimes immature, very needy. I need love. Well, I thought I need it, it’s not really a need, I can go on breathing without it, but whoever doesn’t even want love? I want it.

But then again, I can’t really have everything I want.

Now, I’m not quite sure if I’m still impatient. Maybe I still am, but I had to mature alot in a short span of time. Now the petty things aren’t really much of a bother now. I had to stop crying and to stop moping. I had a life to lead, and dreams to mend, at least some part of them that I still could.

I guess this is quite of a me page. But it will do for now.