w.s.

Cause tonight, tonight, the world begins again.

wastefulspace — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 12:51:37 +0000

2011 went by so fast… it was just last year I was chugging vodka mudshakes crying during the new year and now it feels different.

I won’t do the monthly recap… Maybe like the top ten things that happened in 2011.

1.NHDL

Enough said. It is real this time. This is real. We are real. And for all the things that made me believe differently, I am glad I was proven wrong.

To the next year and to the year after that and to the many years after it.

2.NetworkLabs

I am so very thankful for this. I am so thankful for the opportunity. I am glad to be a part of something that I worked hard to get to. That people picked me because they were impressed and knew my potential and give me opportunities to actually go to the path I want. THANK YOU! I won’t let you down. I will be awesome ^__^v

3. Ilocos

I enjoyed being in N’s hometown. It was a nice change. I was glad to ride the pretty bus, meet the puppies, meet his friends and met his family :). I saw Marcos, ate a lot of Bagnet and home cooked food, and just had the vacation ever of doing nothing :D

4. Financial Woes Begone

More financial obligations to go until I am financially free. I am not proud on how I acted upon this so late, but I am doing what I can to eliminate this.

5. Resigned

What did I learn from all this? Never to let people bully me. I was so out of it that I let my defenses down and they hit me where it hurts.

I will never, ever be treated that way again.

6. Friends

Each and every year I learn who my real friends are. And who aren’t. The list gets a little smaller each year, but I am glad those people stayed. Those people who understood what I went through, those who gave me a lot of time to fix things.

And for those who don’t? Sorry to have wasted your time and your resources.

And for those I added to the list? See you again next year, I hope :D I’m happy we met.

7. Homeowner

When I opened the door with my keys for the very first time (sans the turnover day) I couldn’t believe it, it’s mine. A 28sqm little space with the balcony overlooking the Mandaluyong-Ortigas skyline. I owned this and it is mine.

Soon it will be someone else’s but I am glad to know I can own something at 27. It’s beautiful :)

8. Hi, Anberlin

I enjoyed the concert so much :) I’m glad to have seen this band live. Hooray. :)

9. Being Fearless

I believe being fearless is not living without fear, but even if you live in fear each day, you push forward. I had to be brave and stand up for things I believe in. I had to do what I think is right. Because I absolutely dislike illogical reasoning. I don’t buy the bullshit anymore. So don’t sell me bullshit anymore.

10. Thankful

There’s a lot of things that went wrong. But still, a lot of things went right. I wake up each and every single day and I am thankful to be alive. I am thankful for everything. For those times I am happy and for those times that I am challenged to be happy.

2011, thank you. Hello, 2012. Let’s see how awesome it will be :)

wastefulspace — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 17:49:07 +0000

You smile and yet your whole heart sort of aches.

People ask if you’re ok. You smile and say.

Fine. :)

Even if a little part of you dies a little each time.

Maybe all I want is for someone to ask if I’m really ok.

Maybe all I want is for you to ask if I’m ok.

I just want you to hold me and tell me everything is ok.

Because I don’t feel ok.

Something inspirational today.

wastefulspace — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 03:56:17 +0000

While I was walking to the FX terminal to work, I saw this guy who was walking slowly and determinedly despite his disability. His legs are deformed and he walked with a cane but his seems to go on confidently with each step.

These are the times when I realize that we take for granted the littlest things like walking and running and jumping. Something that is a privilege for a guy like him.

I feel blessed and inspired to see people like him. Even with such hindrance he still gets up and goes to where he is going each day.

I am thankful for this small and yet so significant reminder that I am lucky to be alive and well.

I was so tempted to take a photo. But I don’t want to offend him. But that memory will always be etched in my heart :)

Always keep smiling. Always laugh like children. Be hungry and foolish :)

Christmas Wishlist 2011

wastefulspace — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 06:52:32 +0000

And once again here comes the season of gift giving and wants. What the blazes do I want for this year? Here’s my wishlist for 2011. :D

Panasonic Lumix Lx-5 - I love Renault. But if I do need an upgrade. I would love to try this really sexy camera (I’m still feeling a little mix for either G12 or this, but might as well try something new :D)
HTC Chacha (black) – I saw the white one at the Smart store and fell in love with the clear camera and the 3g video calling capabilities. Then again it was white so I said to myself, not buying this phone (unless its black :P, yesterday I was at Trinoma and lo and behold a little black chacha is waving at me from the display case. EVIL!
Aldo Sneakers (Trinoma) - I forgot the exact design I want (couldn’t find it in the AldoShoes.com site, but they’re really pretty and more kickass than the normal converse (same price too)
Tights (fishnet, patterned etc) - I like to incorporate tights onto my wardrobe since I gotten my vitiligo (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitiligo) :D
Aldo Black Clutch - I saw a pretty nice black one with a wristlet (whatever you call it) at the Aldo Accessories Store. Perfect for just going out with nothing much (no need for the messenger bag)
Zara ripped skinny jeans and Zara tops. - Because I’m so poor and I cannot even afford new clothes for the meantime :P (http://www.zara.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product/ph/en/zara-I2011/118165/478035/RIPPED%2BJEANS) yumm! :D
Financial Freedom - ironically something money can or cannot buy hahaha. but hopefully soon :)

So far that’s it :)

I Do Not Know Steve Jobs

wastefulspace — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 05:36:33 +0000

But I do know him for his work. Who hasn’t?

I was texting with my 14-year old sister and asked her if she knew who Steve Jobs was.

This is what she said.

Yes. Apple. He’s Dead Now.

If a 14 year old girl knows about him, then probably every body beyond that age has either seen him, bought his products or talked about his death today.

It was supposed to be a normal morning. I got to work and my messengers were logged on. Yahoo displayed their news screen and I saw the headline.

Thinking it was some sort of figurative joke, I was skeptical until the little red headline prove otherwise.

I am not an Apple Fangirl. I do not have Macintosh products dating back to 1980s. But I immensely enjoyed the iPod, which I thought was sheer genius (and also to companies who tried to copy it off). I had a 5th generation iPod Classic , the first with video with Jack Sparrow, half-grin, half-smirk, on the box.

That iPod is still alive today. Along with other additions to the family. Yuki, N’s i3 aluminum alloy MBP, his iPod Touch that I’m using today, and our Scarlett, the iPad2. Steve Jobs was a man who always went not only to the next level, but to the levels beyond it.

He isn’t just marching to a different beat, he had a whole band behind him.

Now he’s dead. With cancer that I thought was cured, based from the transcript I read of his 2005 commencement speech. He knew of death, he welcomed death and he was prepared for it.

People may not know it, but there, tweets all over the world, facebook statuses and google + posts probably more than half or the majority is sent using Jobs’ mediums of communication and computing. We were all left with little sleek and shiny legacies of what he did.

He was 56. Too young. But he didn’t live in vain. That’s the most important thing. He woke up every single day thinking if this was his last day. And pushes everyday into something special.

When you do that as a normal human being, you get laughs all around. You’re too young, you’re too dramatic, you’re too foolish. But I do not share the dogma. I maybe foolish. I did many wrong things. But the end result, I am happy and fulfilled. I may not be making the next innovative creation, but for me, my life now, is happy and contented.

Thank you Steve Jobs! You touched the lives of many.

how do you let go?

wastefulspace — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 05:16:54 +0000

if i knew the answer to that, even i wouldn’t have all these things running around my head.

things are, weird. I start new work (again). I have a new life (again). and I am paying the price of my life (again).

it would be tremendously, hilariously funny if this weren’t all happening to me. Or rest assured, this would be the last time. But then again. As a favorite line of a favorate book goes..

Life comes without a guarantee, since most guarantees are bullsh*t

How true.

So, how, how, HOW do people go on with life without conviction that things will not go to the sh*tpile? No. Way. People just suck it up and try to let go.

When I say try, I do mean try.

The human brain can suppose to forget. They say time heals all wounds. They say all these things as false reassurances that people will actually feel better.

Ye ah, sure that’s why everybody is so stable. Mentally and emotionally.

Why do I say this? Because nobody ever learns to let go. From an unrequited love, boring over the brain until tears and ash and alcohol falls from the cracks and crevices of a human face. From love lost, trying to find their path in the human world while thinking foolishly they are able to talk and hear someone from the otherworld? The multitude of social circles and vices that leaves you numb for a time and you wake up once again throbbing in this raw and heavy pain.

Nobody will get to see you at slumber. That’s when the curtain closes. Time to remove the mask you’re wearing and the facade you’re building, break it down for another night, and rebuild it for the next day. Until you begin to feel that person in that mold and you layer until the rest of you, your essence, your principles, your very heart and soul is lost.

Why am I writing such a dreary entry again? That as a sudden realization of looking at a random page that draw another knife to my heart? That all those things I believed in are half-lies and half-truths? Why do I never learn that life will just be a disappointment. The sole love I have for one person, will be shared continually, for the entire life in another bed, in another place, in another time and in another thought.

And yet, why do I still love like it was the first time? After so many times of being thwarted. Because as they say life comes without a guarantee, but that means I will never have a guarantee that all the love I have will never be returned back to me with the same fever and passion. Because all my hopes are poured into the boy lying down on the comfy and cool wooden bench holding up a shiny apple called Yuki.

All I want is a little kindness.

wastefulspace — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 12:10:42 +0000

I’ve been with people who used to judge me about myself. how i wore my hair, my skirt, my glasses why I don’t want to be girly, why i was weird.

Now, it’s even worse. people judge me for how I work, what my past is like, what kind of mistakes I made, what money problems I have.

I’m so tired from all this generalization about me. I’m so tired being with people and all they ever think is I’ll always be bad and I’ll never change.

What about those times I was good? Did anybody ever see that? Do you people ever see the good side of me sometimes? Even a little?

I’m so tired of all this shit. I’m tired of people who likes to look and spotlight at my negativity.

When all I do right now is try to see the best in people. Because I never liked the feeling of being shunned. I hated the feeling of people ganging up on me. I’m tired of trying to keep proving to people that beyond the bitchiness and the evil people you think I am. I am a good person too.

…

Dear Whoever Will Be Standing Next to Me on Our Special Day,

wastefulspace — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 13:55:28 +0000

Hi, First of all, I’m glad you’re next to me. It means I finally did something right, or we did something right, or this is finally right.

For all those years I have been looking for love, I’m glad it’s you. Whoever you will be. Who took me in, regardless of my arrogant persona and my voice dripping in sarcasm. You found also the person who loves you dearly, who would fight for you, and would take care of you in any way possible.

We’re standing here professing our love so it means you know I’m funny. I can mimic Rex Navarette like he’s my brother. You know I think quickly in times of need. A little paranoid, and I cry alot. It means you laughed at my jokes, funny or not. You can count on me when you need help, you comfort me when I’m scared and lonely and wiped away my tears.

You know about my financial state, which is all not good (for now). But you know I’m working on it. You know I can do it, and you encourage me to do so.

Even if we fight, even if there are disagreements. I know I can come home to you. You are kind and strict, strong and loving, and I couldn’t think of anyone else better to guide me and to help me when I’m being pasaway.

I can’t believe that here we are. And I thought I’d never get here. Not so in a fancy church with a star studded reception. I don’t care where this is. I just can’t believe that after all the pain and tears and the longing and the looking I get to have the chance to be with someone who loves me as much as I love him. :D

Whoever you are, I really love you. For sticking with me through every single day, and for wating to stick around, for the rest of our lives. That alone, I could never stop loving you.

…

Thank you, so much.

Love,

( … Honestly? I wish, I really, REALLY wish, this was you… I love you N)

Financial Tips From Friends All Over

wastefulspace — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 10:25:33 +0000

list down all expenses in a day
Half the budget of food
No more STARBUCKS!
Commute. No Car.
Spend less
Bring baon to work (do groceries)
watch the Suze Orman show
Never ever buy anything in installment that you don’t have money currently (buying a 20k item when you don’t have 20k.)
Set aside money for yourself, the rest will go to debt for now.
Make sure to stick to the budget. No excuses.
Once stable, set up an emergency fund (start from 5% of each payday)
Never be discourage on what people tell you about your financial trouble. Take it as a lesson in life.
That’s it for now.

Dear You

wastefulspace — Tue, 31 May 2011 16:13:25 +0000

I don’t know if you still read this. But I wish you did. I don’t want to place anything bad over at ours so as not to tarnish the good things.

I’m sorry for everything. I am sorry for my paranoia. My irrational fears. My being a burden to you. My being someone that ruins your day. My stupid questions. And all those things that hurt you or make you angry.

Please let me let go each and every one of my fears, my pain, my anger, my sorrows, allt those things that hurt me, that made me feel so afraid of losing anyone. especially losing you.

If you give me the time and the patience and the understanding for me to let a little of everything go each day. We will make it.

I need you more than ever right now. I wish you could see that.

Love,