A real entry. (Because I still can. :P)

While waiting for the latest source code to download for a particular workspace, I would like to reiterate several moments starting last Sunday. It was a week without certain obligations and responsibilities, the person went back to fulfill some duties he sorely missed so I told myself to keep busy this entire week. I went on a whim and bought a lot of books, more than I could read in a span of a week, and started this little eherm, “Pilgrimage of Loneliness” as I have said to a friend, who laughed and told me I was becoming emo.

It was a Monday. So I park my diminishing, full-tank Silver Altis into Powerplant like I always did for the past 2 weeks. I got out carrying 11 minutes, my backpack stuffed with dirty clothes, and my wallet. I went to Joya, found the beautifully designed 7-11 at the Manansala and bought some cigarettes. In which I was contemplating which coffee shop to make my mark. I spotted a Figaro at Joya, but settled to have a Hazelnut Latte at UCC.

I sat comfortably and began to read about the story of Maria, who, was once upon a time, a prostitute. It was interesting as well as intriguing to have such a strong and inquisitive character to be led of a path that is completely familiar for us but we tend to shove it away, making it an underground dealing with society.

The air was cool and the sun has barely risen from the the plants where I was hidden smoking stick after stick until the shade wasn’t high enough to save me from the heat. I went to work full of anxiety and doubt. Like I always have when I went home and faced my mother again. But it will be different tomorrow.

Tuesday rolled around and we were off to a late start. My sister told me today that she ended up in school at 8am (her work starts at 7:30). And I was having a hard time looking for the Guadalupe-Cartimar jeep since the rush hour crowd arrived and I was already nearing Roxas before I was able to jump into one alongside other commuters for the ride to work.

I got to the office at around 8 as well. I grabbed my book, a wallet and the quickly diminishing carton of menthol lights and did the 10 minute walk from our building to the Columns, I was growing to love that place and I will miss it when we move near Makati Ave. but let’s not dwell on that.

One small street, one underpass and a huge intersection later, I was at the gorgeous 3 tower building of the Columns, and I headed to my favorite coffee place, Kopi Roti, ordered Coffee and toast, and settled myself outside reading and drinking and smoking and feeling basically euphoric.The toast was warm and delicious, like honey-butter, and the coffee was perfectly bittersweet.

It was a very nice day.

30 minutes later, the toast were reduced to crumbs and the coffee was nearly through. There was a need for more so I went in and ordered another cup, this time Milk tea, and went out to read again. The words of Paulo Coehlo was endearing and luscious to the brain and gently squeezes the heart with affection. The simple humor inserted to the story was enough to give me little smiles and released an aura that was bright and golden, like the sun that day and on the clear blue sky.

Halfway done, I got up and wobbled back to the streets. My heart and mind was totally at peace. And it made my soul smile for real for the first time after a couple of months of breaking down in tears and all the other angst that should have been erased in my teen years was present.

I continued on passing steel and glass buildings of modern architecture, people all rushing to get where they’re supposed to go, all of them look like mindless beings, each going to start the day and wishing that it is already finished, those who have ended the day and wishing it would soon start again. And those who pray for the weekend to come until they pray for another weekend. The cars, jeeps, buses and taxis all follow through the same route. Their horns blared through the streets.This was how the whole Makati Central Business District looked like in my drunken eyes. Drunk in a sense of new found realizations all for those silly hours in a coffee establishment with my feet propped up the chair, in olive green gauchos and a flowery white blouse.

I walked and wondered what the people that I passed by were thinking. The enlightenment that I had discovered made me a bit more like my old self, the person who I was when I was still away from Manila. The one who thought that you can only achieve happiness by leaving.

But I am here. And I felt the same way 2 years ago. Skipping along IT park, slurping an Apple Ice Lolly in my hands and feeling free, the same person last year who had the sense of reason to live and go to beaches, eat nice food, go to theaters and go home as late as I wanted.

I don’t have all those things here. But I know I am lucky for a lot of reasons.

I went to work feeling better about myself than how I felt that Monday.

After 8 hours, lunch, and the journey home, I stood at the not-so-usual side of Buendia, instead of the MSE building, waiting for a jeep to pass by.

Being spoiled at shuttle rides and the ever efficient but not so MRT, I had a hard time adjusting to the crowd at Gil Puyat, I forced myself to go LRT->MRT->Ayala loop, but I got over it, and I am as ruthless as they are. But a tad more logical. And I say that without arrogance.

When I was dropped off at the Japanese restaurant at Buendia, I was able to see a Divisoria jeep. And I hopped on and took a trip that revolved many parts of my life.

I have seen various sightings of San’s old car, the lovely Crosswind that he used to pick me up and drop me off my house. The streets where I ran after Ogie when he was running away from me. I saw the SM Fairview FX where he would always ride to and from school, the now widened entrance of South gate, where I saw Mark again, and the fake columned gox building which was a home for 4 years and where I met Ben whom we took on graduation, side by side and seated on the same cubicle at work until it was time for our resignation. I got off at the church and walked towards home. I nissan sentra like the one Otep had and driven me around Cebu ran pass the place where I was baptized as a Catholic. The grocery which I prowled for this certain type of noodles that I never saw anymore. I walked pass Benavides, a street with either a “z” or an “s” it will always be an “s” for me.

It was only Masangkay street, but I was already feeling the lethargy, I took a break eating fishballs and continued until I reached the little bridge where I pass by to go meet people from St. Stephen, or the only sole date I had with my first love, amongst twister fries and coke. Then it was my old alma matter, a place full of broken dreams and unrequited love, but I found true friendship. People who’ll stick by you no matter what, from the Devon Sawa, Andrew Keegan jokes, the beautiful old snail mails, cheers and jolly hotdogs, and all else that is wonderful.

Pure nostalgia engulfed my senses as I was reaching the endpoint of this mini saga. It was the 5 minute walk home. There was a time when Lunch can still be taken outside the school, I met a friend whom shared the same walk and book preference.

At last here is home. The five-story building which I remembered clearly my 6 year old self, trying to stuff my clothes in a little metal suitcase. But only the bathrobe fit. *laughs. Where I spent most of the days now in my room glued to my laptop or sleeping, or getting home “late” (Define late), and basically having either fights or silent treatments and the wanting to leave quickens then sort of settled.
This was how my Tuesday ended. I was full of thoughts, but not one made me feel like the world owed me something, but mostly, it’s me thanking the world for giving me such a colorful life.

I am beginning to see how pretty life can be. I hope I take those thoughts with me each and every single day for the rest of my time here on earth.

ingrata!ingrata! marunong ka lang magpasaya ng mga kaibigan mo!

What friends, ma?

I got home at 9:30 from DD creation. I greeted my mother who was ignoring me for the past so and so weeks since some random escapades. I got into this little haven and she went in and started to berate me yet again on all my faults since the first one she noticed.

And all other  thoughts seem to flown in.

If any of the office people are reading this, I am the least invited member in any social gathering because of my ‘curfew’ . The only time I can stay at the office is when I’m on overtime or nothing at all. I don’t go to Badminton games, get invited to the movies and all their other events because they always know my answer.

No.

She added a lot of other factors into it. Stuff some people know. And other stuff a lot of people don’t.

It was tiring to hear it all over again. It took me at least half an hour to muster up courage for the Binondo trip with the officemates and I still get the same crap.

It’s like I wasn’t meant to be happy in anyway, and everything I do has to come with an expensive price.

Hay lord, why don’t you just kill me and get this over with…

meet meru.

Remember I was the designated driver some few posts back? Well I forgot about Meru. These were the times were I think being the driver has it’s joys.

After buying fish, we went to visit my cousin who just got operated for gallstones. We parked in front of their apartment complex in San Juan and got up their place at the second floor, I was still outside the room when I saw this small, furry object trotting around the floor.

Instantly, my heart leaped. It was their Maltese, Meru. This was one friendly little puppy. One call of her name would send her into leaps and bounds. racing towards the sound of the voice. It was jumpy and very excitable.

She’s everybody’s friend. My Aunt said.

She greeted my mom by prancing up and scrabbling at the fabric of her jeans. When she saw me waving at her, she ignored my mom and went to me,and promptly started scrabbling too, at my khaki gauchos and boy does her claws hurt, but it was fun.

It was like she’s on caffeine. :D

When I sat on the couch she followed me and kept on clawing my pants. I wasn’t really sure if I was allowed to pick her up, but eventually, I did and you can say, the bitches bonded.

She was a sweet little thing, and kept licking my face when I was taking a picture of her with my cam-phone (and got someone all jealous. Harhar. :P)

It was painful to say goodbye, but we had to leave and I had to say goodbye to my little friend, Meru. I was already jokingly telling my cousin that I’d take her home already.

Ah, what I’d do to have someone who likes me around…

conversations

it’s rarely that i get to talk of serious stuff with any of my family members. be it with immediate or close kins. my cousin, who was four years younger than me went to high street to buy some stuff at the nike outlet store, me being around the area told him to just join me home after work.

he was a good kid, a bit on the crazy side (i think that bit runs in the family), and despite how everybody from years ago think this dude doesn’t really think, they’re mistaken.

sure he does the craziest shit like walk from home to sm city manila (3 train stations away), or even worse, walked from edsa taft line towards magallanes,  or spent 2 hours walking from CSB towards home (a whopping 7 stations), he was the one babbling about n95s being sold for 4k a pop with all china parts, who was into some really grassy business (you be the judge of what grass means), and got into a heart attack at the age of 18 and therefore making his short-lived basketball career come to a screeching halt.

he was nice enough to buy me film (the proplus II ran out, SCREW YOU HOARDERS!) for my cam,  then he took a trek to high street and market for some shoes.

i went to meet him at around 5ish, he was sitting outside McDonalds and I took some pictures. I was gonna try the kodak 100 gold on the vivitar, but decided against it.

So I treated him to starbucks (okay, fuck so I had starbucks today because of that, but we were planning to get drinks and that’s where we ended up).

When we went home, that’s where our conversation started. First it was just the usual music stuff, then we got into a family drama. He was telling me things I really didn’t know like my dad wanting a dragon tattoo (seriously now…), his never ending quest to please his  displeased father, and life and poverty of the philippines.

It was surprising to hear him talk.  And I’m glad he had goals and dreams and all that. it was amusing to hear him blather on while i just gave my usual inputs of loud profanity while the click five is playing.

sometimes, I really need to talk to people…

being the designated driver and alot of side stories

sometimes driving has it’s perks. i get to use the car… and… uh … well …

i guess that’s the only perk. lol.

it’s okay when I have a substitute (e.g. my dad or the brother that will never happen (ever again)). but since dad conveniently doesn’t know how to drive (or so he says), i got stuck being the driver of the family.

the sole driver of the family.

mom is currently going through her second childhood/ menopause stage, and she’s been pretty demanding/bratty lately. you would hear here being all high-schoolish gossiping about anything and everything with her also probably menopausing sisters.

anyway to cut the side story short, she asked me to take her to arranque to buy some fish fillet, and then to san juan to visit my cousin who got operated for gall bladder stones.

that’s supposed to be my dad’s job, or my brother that will never be’s job. imho. or maybe i was just tired. i was weaving in and out of sleep since 2am. waking up hearing the red jumpsuit apparatus, angels and airwaves, or death cab for cutie plus some of the more popular songs on my “emo tendencies” playlist, then sleeping again.

i woke up hearing lisa loeb’s stay, and my sister fumbling about for her samsung charger. it was 10 am. and i knew it was too early to wake up, but i was awake anyway.

i have been feeling down and out lately. not really knowing why. it’s like my heart is drenched in cement with a ball and chain dragging it so low, and i was sunk.

schroeder is acting up,  this is the third time  he’s going on a memory dump and i was very worried. i cannot backup anything as of yet since I accidentally reformatted winry, roel’s 80gb hard disk and all my data on it. and i am still waiting for some help with regards to recovering my lost data before i do anything crazy.

plus my dvd-rw is going wonky since it cannot read the recovery cd i supposedly burned. ah. the pain.  the immense pain.

well, might be taking him to the service center next week.

i still can’t fix this damn blog thingie to make it perfect in my preferences. *damned* hmm after about 5-10 changes i’m still stumped. Happy Mother’s day to all the mothers out there. It reminded me of the funny conversation i had with the waiter at Pacific Warf at Powerplant.

Me:1 apple crisp.

waiter: okay, now?

me: yup (then turning to my sister) no, the next 2 thousand years…*yeesh*.

After that we had french fries toast with my cousin. and a few small talks about the ever grossly popular spider-man, which i read in an aritcle on Inquirer which had features of upcoming superhero movies like a new superman flick, x-men2, fantasitc four, ghost rider, a catwoman film, the incredible hulk and a spiderman sequel in 2004. it was hilarious, like every director is bitten by the superhero bug.

I decided why don’t they mix it marvel super heroes VS capcom that kinda thing?

Then we started inventing our own flicks

x-men VS westlife

spiderman VS a1

marvel superheroes VS westlife

Britney VS n`sync

all that sh*t

and all that stuff…

pardon me, i’m just blabbering away…