twittering…because i’m lazy to do a real update
- 10:51 I would like to have dinner at circles with a special someone… doesn’t have to be that person… i just want someone special with me… #
- 10:57 @achiabs… pwedeng pwede ka .. sa pagbalik mo #
- 14:04 @nixiecon hey bitch… have a great wedding >:D< i wish there’s a webcam broadcast :) #
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twittering…because i’m lazy to do a real update
- 17:19 tagos titi pero di sa puso…hanggang ganito nalang ba #
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you invaded my dreams last night..
you were seated at the stool near the kitchen island. i looked at you and a fresh wave of pain, affection, and emotion rolled and twisted my heart, you still look the same as i remembered and my mouth couldn’t help it and out rolled 3 words, 8 letters.
i miss you…
you led me to your lap and we kissed. and memories flooded back like it was yesterday.
i didn’t want to wake up anymore. i just want to stay there with you…
nalulungkot talaga ako sa ginagawa mo.
kahit sabihin mo na ganun ka talaga pero hindi ka ganun dati. hindi ko na talaga alam ano gusto mo pero sana sabihin mo na para pareho na tayong manirahan ng mapayapa.
tao lang naman rin ako. i can only go as far as i can. pero kung hindi mo na talaga gusto ang buhay na ganito, pasabi nalang sana, para hindi na ako magisip pa ng kung ano ano at umiyak ng araw-araw nalang at gabi-gabi.
spare me grief and misery already, i didn’t want to be this way at all, so why are you doing this just because i made a mistake which si not even a mistake…..
tsaka na lang tayo magkita at magusap…kung gusto mo talaga na makita at kausapin ako.
forgotten, lost prayers.
i don’t pray that much anymore. in fact, i forgot how to pray. it’s not like i don’t believe in God, i just stopped believing in prayers.
i stopped praying because of the fact that what will happen will do, i don’t care much for hoping too much on it solely, but you have to work your ass off if you want something to be done.
i was suppose to write a really long entry,but i got too tired anyway.
but all i know is, if there is no hope left, an unwanted prayer escapes from thoughts to my lips.
battling insomnia
do i really have insomnia or there are just too many thoughts dancing around in my head.
conversations with a close friend brought forth haste realizations together with watching series where love proves to nonexist.
i wasn’t a big believer of such nonsense fairytales. but when there’s a spark that made you believed in it with all your heart, it was difficult to let it go. for a glimpse of the past sent forth unbearable tears that would continue on throughout the night.
i don’t want to open my heart anymore. it gets me into so much trouble. that i only have to deal, i have to stop punishing myself with things that was and can never be. i’m a cursed person filled with pain and suffering and maybe i really don’t deserve anybody.
it’s been a long time since i’ve ached this much, that it ached so badly that i cannot sleep through the night without the course of tears stopping, and when i realize it, morning came and i am left devastated to face the day with whatever energy i have left.
which is not very much.
now a line for metallica’s enter the sandmand weaves in and out of my head, praying that if i die before i wake, jesus would have my soul to take, where i whisper horribly grammared japanese where i will only see you in my dreams and bitter goodbyes.
if the afterlife will come and save me, or burn me eternally in pain, i accept whichever fate, for an everlasting peaceful pain the continues knowing it will never stop, or the utmost other way around.
because in life hoping too much is such an effort that i don’t want to waste anymore. as i have found that there is no hope in these kinds of situations for me.
i doubt if anyone can save me anyway. as i have accepted my fate, and closed my heart completely to be devoid of any kind of emotion but will only be honestly seen when i slumber, in dreams, in tears, and in the vast depths of my buried heart.
what am i to do now…you tell me.
twittering…because i’m lazy to do a real update
- 10:53 @usagijen : pictures! #
- 20:51 I toast! Once again to my compainion. It will always be, draft beer &me! Ü #
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I’m so hurt.
No, that’s not me.
I spent the whole day trying to find the stuff i need to insert the code in the correct location for my project and when i have found the data i need, i called it a day.
because of clashing schedules, my boy wasn’t able to meet up with me for my dinner-capade. so while i drove on the city streets, Metallica pumped high on my speakers and it was blasting in my eardrums, i found a place to eat.
my thoughts floated on sizzling pork sisig and lots of rice, i detoured from lasalle and went to pier 1 near macapagal to have a lonely dinner with draft beer as my companion.
while alternating luckies and draft, i sat and spaced, listening to the sounds around me, the table next to me carried quite a conversation that i only catch the first few ideas since i don’t remember the exact lines anymore.
Nahurt ako, syempre I mean, why would I be in a relationship that was no future? If sinabi nalang niya sa umpisa diba? At ang gusto pala niya is to hope from one relationship to another…Eh di ganun nalang sana.
From there she was bantering why guys are not keen in being in long relationships, if i had the balls and the dick to interupt her conversation (in which, i don’t) i would’ve told her that she described everyman in their teens all the way until their primes.
When she was asking why, and I was sipping my beer and shoving the last pieces of sisig in my mouth, i though of the answer when i got home and was brushing my teeth.
it was so obvious to me. a lot of people cannot handle the seriousness of a relationship, if only a couple of months have passed, most relationships die if the future talk came about, the heavy commitments and dreams of the future would potentially scare off every commitment phobe in this side of the country and towards the other continents. this is why married men, boyfriends, and fiancees cheat and same goes to female counterparts, everybody still wants a certain sense of freedom even if they are tied down. people like knowing they can still get away with things that they used to do when they were detached.
which boils down to her answer, plain and simple. they drop when the relationship is getting too serious for their likings, and they like to repeat what used to be without all the clingy stuff. where they come and go as they please and once rules are setting down, they bail.
i’m not saying ALL are that way, but some people just don’t know how to deal with others for the rest of their life, especially when the difficult parts come, and they shut out or ship out.
to the girl seated at the table next to me at pier 1, i hope you will be smarter than that, or less clingy.
twittering…because i’m lazy to do a real update
- 13:47 I just want to live a normal life. With a fast car and a hot guy… Is that too much to FUCKING ASK? #
- 14:19 This has got to be the sweetest ‘you may kiss the bride’ kiss. They kissed, looked at each other with a smile, and kissed again.. Damn.. … #
- 18:53 It all started with a kiss.. How did it end up like this? #
- 21:03 Youre the only one i ever believe in the answer that could never be found.. When will i get to say those sweet basic words.. #
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