twittering…because i’m lazy to do a real update

• 10:25 i miss corn beef potatoes and onions… ang sarap niya lol #
• 10:28 having waffles…. goodmorning twitpic.com/qb2ji #
• 23:26 what if you could wish me away? I bet you would.. #
• 23:29 will prepare for next year’s afa hopefully ill still be here… #
• 23:42 finger hurts from kitchen accident… Hurts to press lol.. #
• 23:44 want to be the best i can be.. So when the time comes, there no more letting go.. #
• 23:46 you guard your heart, and people try to get in, once you let down your guard, they disappoint you in so many ways.. But you love them anyway #

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twittering…because i’m lazy to do a real update

• 12:35 maybe ill make the la vie en rose dream come true soon enough… #
• 14:41 wow. i’m just… aching all over :| #
• 15:10 i love the weather now. i wish it’s snow though :)) #
• 16:49 its kinda fun may people notice that you changed hairstyles :D #
• 17:02 hmmm , are you asking me out? #
• 17:18 nihon e ikitai, demo istu e iku koto ga dekiru? #
• 17:36 gusto ko talaga magretire sa cebu. :) #
• 17:48 nakakburat, yung mga tao dito yung mga may hitsura sila pa yung kasal na lawl. anyone left there for moi? :p #
• 18:30 bit.ly/aBNF3 ~ Win a Modu Phone From Globe Tatoo #
• 18:48 hoping big. Hoping far… Just hoping with all my heart… #
• 22:39 twitpic.com/q89r1 in my favorite quiet place at home. at the fire escape listening to music…. usual shit. #
• 22:50 it’s 22:50, i guess you won’t be coming :) #

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I still hope. I still believe. sometimes.

I hope, that in this hour, as i close my notebook and pack up, you’re on your way. As I ride the bus and you ride the train, and I wait for the transfer bus, you’re on 173 going along Hillview. And when I walk up the steps and you ride the elevator and when it’s my turn to  reach the 10th floor, I see you in my door step, in all your loveliness, in all your boyish persona, with or without flowers, but the mere thought of you answering a prayer that escaped from my lips is the greatest thing that you can ever do. As I only rely on hope now, because it’s so hard to fight reality without it. And it’s nice to know, that hoping can really do wonders…

twittering…because i’m lazy to do a real update

• 11:47 eh, thank you, my knight in shining fila sneakers :D :D D #
• 13:57 walking in the rain is so relaxing. #
• 14:57 RT @bryanboy: I’m always gonna take advice from a black girl. Nene says "CLOSE YOUR LEGS TO MARRIED MEN!" #
• 16:20 this too will pass….i’d just really love to know how long it will take. #
• 16:21 “Sometimes, it’s easier to say that you’re fine instead of having to explain all the reasons why you’re not.” ~ Exactly… #
• 17:34 there is nothing i want more in life is to have a bit of love that i never had, … (1/2) #
• 17:34 and the one i keep losing, and the one that i can’t seem to keep. (2/2) (except from a 2008 blogpost. #
• 18:10 oh, someone asked me to go to India this December, lol #
• 22:08 malamig ngayon… wtf… kailan pa naging malamig sa sg LOL #
• 22:35 a friend told me that i can now marry, now just missing is the husband :) #
• 23:06 @genobear kasi taga dun siya LAWL #

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If you know what it’s like, to wish for a chance to love…

For a chance to be really, truly, happy? You’d know how it feels, you know how it aches to rely on hope everyday, as hope isn’t really a reliable source when you’re faced with reality.

Do you know how lucky you are to experience love without all the boundaries, with all the right pains, and with all the selflessness? Now if you do, don’t judge me for trying to look for the same thing. Don’t blame me if I want to feel that, even if only for  a year and a half intervals or less. Even if my world is torn apart and love is the only thing that exists, I’d gladly take it, with my ugly heart, my borderline tendencies and my masochism.

When I hear people getting married, and guys pop the question, I grasp on it, hoping one day it’d be my turn. When you found someone you’d like to spend the rest of your life with, the normalcy of being together, and the love that makes it extraordinary, from doing the groceries or fighting over the colour of the walls.

I want that life. I wish for it so much that it actually hurts. But this hurt makes me alive to wait for happiness or search for it longingly and I’ll never stop trying to find that person, I’ll never stop loving like it was my first and hope that it will finally be the last, and I can finally say, I didn’t settle for anyone, I didn’t just get married because my biological clock is ticking, but for the one and only reason I still stand by even after 10 years of going through the wrong ones.

And for you, and for the next one, and for the next after that, or for the ones in between. If you feel the same way, let me know. Ok? At least we can look ahead and make big dreams and make it all worth it, that we’ve found our exceptions.

before I lose it all.

It’s raining. Again. The past few weeks we were blessed with thunderstorms, gray sky, and cold weather. Not that I’m complaining, in fact, I absolutely adore it. Although I wish for a more colder weather than this humidity.

While he and I finished lunch, the rain fell from the sky in waves. We were outside smoking Sampoernas and looking at the downpour, the wind blew just a bit, the rain was heavy, and you can see the water gushing through makeshift canals and gutters. and as I leisurely sipped peach tea through a straw and blowing out the scent of cloves, I contemplated on how to get out of this with our brightly colored, gaudy umbrella borrowed from our Japanese colleague, he said while opening it:

you think we can walk to the office? the umbrella’s big enough.

I answered him with a hint of doubt

well, sure, I can always take my shoes off.

He readied, throwing the cigarette, and took me under the green and orange shelter for the 5 minute walk back.

let’s go.

Hastening my pace, I threw my own butt into the astray but missed, and walked.

One arm around me,  and a hand that steadied the umbrella, we huddled and through narrowly missed puddles, an almost wrong turn, and down the stairs towards Rutherford, my shoes were getting squishier by the minute, his jeans and socks were damp. My arm was around his waist, and we walked hurriedly, if this was a few paces slower, while minus the work, we could have been leisurely strolling getting everything wet and running around like lovers.

But once again, those are my silly little dreams.

We passed by a girl jumping into a cab and two men standing on the bench of the bus stop.

Almost there…

He said as we were nearing the steps of Rutherford.

As we climbed the last step to shelter, the magic was gone. he took his arm away to shake the droplets from the umbrella, while me, was checking if my clothes were wet, my argyle-print cardigan was saved and so was my collared shirt, and my plaid mini. my shoes were the only casualty.

I wish there were days when time wasn’t the enemy. We couldve been at our place, drinking hot chocolate with an overdose of marshmallows, smoking and just enjoying the moment. Just enjoying each other.

All it all boils down to the 4 letter word. W-H-E-N.

twittering…because i’m lazy to do a real update

• 11:26 missed the old times with @vetz, we should catch up soon. or something. #
• 12:05 i’m looking at my old cobol codes with ara. pucha. i knew all this before? astig. #
• 15:10 i guess im going home to fix me either corn beef or some chili dumplings #
• 16:03 thunderstorms…. perfect time to go out and smell the rain. #
• 16:27 glad to hear of people getting engaged…. :) #
• 16:54 you have manic & eyes of deceit, no 1 can be called holy, no 1 can be free of sin, no matter how many times you pray. we’re all the same. #
• 17:55 should i or should i not? :| #
• 18:29 i guess i did. Lol #

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twittering…because i’m lazy to do a real update

• 17:10 2012 was fascinating. so is my argyle print cardigan :D. #
• 17:12 loving the new google translate! :D #
• 17:15 whatdapak. it’s 5pm and i just open my tweetdeck lol, and gotten 98 tweets :) #
• 17:27 ok the constant sawing and squeaking of wood is getting on my nerves… gonna go down and kill myself slowly :) #
• 18:08 was a bit nostalgic when she was reading some messages on her phone :) #
• 18:09 i guess my e71’s name is still otikins HAHA. #

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twittering…because i’m lazy to do a real update

• 10:40 and once again, the drudgery begins. i wonder if i’ll survive the day doing all the things im supposed to do. #
• 11:18 bit.ly/JLXHN —> i hope i have enough friends at the office to do this ;D #
• 11:21 [I think my nsp crew would be awesome enough do this! :D] RT bit.ly/JLXHN –> hope i had enough friends @ the office to do it! #
• 11:53 maybe i should’ve watched backstreet boys when they peformed at f1, to relive the fangirl days :) #
• 12:28 ain’t nothing but a mistake. i never wanna hear you say…. i want it that way…. tell mee whyyyyy (fangurl memories) #
• 13:43 went in the manolo blahnik store already and touched some shoes… im glad the camparis aren’t there or i’d probably buy it in a <3beat lol #
• 13:47 @kristinenitsirk you can give scented candles, or candy / cupcake ornaments :D #
• 13:53 @kristinenitsirk diba may mga candy cane na mga christmas ornaments :) maybe around the same area :D #
• 13:54 watdapak? did they made a new version of rainbowbrite? :| #
• 14:28 @absolute0 yeah thats just… crap. #
• 15:18 someone thinks im hotttttt ♥ #

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twittering…because i’m lazy to do a real update

• 00:22 back at home… chilling and did the laundry… got matching gray argyle cardigans with amika :D #
• 02:45 @francesbean like lips to lips?! #
• 14:43 I don’t think it works. #
• 14:45 Kahit ilan pang salita ang ibigay mo sa akin. Alam ko na ang gusto ko. #
• 14:48 finally nakabili narin ng mama sitas barbeque marinade:D #
• 16:37 just finished swimming not sure what to do with thehunk of ground pork i just bought #
• 18:47 wheee pancit canton!!! ayos. :D #
• 21:20 enjoys lighting up her cigarette with silver-tipped, black matchsticks… thank you one-ninety four seasons :P #
• 21:27 “All she had needed was the certainty of his love, and his reassurance that there was no hurry when a lifetime lay ahead of them.” #lovebot #

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